5 Myths of Engagement

 

This season of engagement has been a whirlwind! It has felt like forever waiting to marry Kevin, but it also is crazy that as of today, we are 13 days away! I keep telling people it’s like Christmas- you feel like it’s so far away and that it’s coming so slow and you have all this time to prepare and then BAM! It’s Christmas eve and you’re scratching your head wondering where time has gone.

We’ve had so much fun during this season of preparing and dreaming, but this has also been one of the hardest seasons we’ve had to walk through. No, not hard between Kevin and I, but hard individually with life and it’s struggles revolving around us. I feel like we both have learned so much during this season and I would love to share what I’ve learned with you today.

Myth #1

Being engaged means you’re automatically more busy

Honestly, this season has felt pretty lonely. A lot of people have backed off during this season because they assume I’m super busy doing all these wedding planning things. I used to think the same thing when it was my friends that got engaged. I wouldn’t invite them places or reach out too too much because I assumed they had “better things to do.” I have learned that when you’re in this season that has so much uncharted territory, you need your pals the most! There are so many emotions and to have people, besides your future spouse, walk with you through it makes it so much sweeter.

 

Myth #2

Being engaged means you’re stressed out

Time after time I’ve had people tell me that I shouldn’t take on this or that because my nerves and stress are already sky high due to my wedding. This confused the mess out of me. Modern culture has a way of building up this HUGE thing about weddings where people are at their worst, stressed out, not sleeping, at the gym 24/7, everything has to be perfect or else, etc.  Weddings were created to put God on display, not ourselves. In fact, I don’t think the Lord is too impressed with what we make of weddings these days and the negative things they can bring out of us. When you start to get nervous and stress, ask yourself, “is what I’m stressing over worth it?” It’s all about perspective. Stress isn’t of God and He can take that away. I am the most calm and excited I’ve ever been in this moment!

 

Myth #3

Everything will be easier when we get engaged

Dating Kevin has easily been the best journey I’ve ever been on. I’ve truly loved every second of it. Kevin and I dated for a year and a half before we got engaged and I used to tell myself all the time, “If only we were engaged, this specific area would be easier.” Or “once we get engaged I’ll feel content/confident in this situation.”
Engagement isn’t the answer, Jesus is.
If you didn’t know, Kevin and I didn’t say “I love you” until he proposed to me. That’s one of my favorite parts of our story. I prayed years ago that the man I’d marry would never tell me this until he was on his knee. I never told Kevin about this prayer either. God is so kind. Only He can orchestrate such a beautiful love story and give us the desires of our heart.
Looking back to just over 6 months ago, I built up engagement to solve all of my problems and to erase all of my insecurities. There was something attractive about the “sureness” of engagement. I’m sad that I spent a lot of our relationship questioning God instead of trusting in His faithfulness. Thankfully, He is a good good father who patiently taught me and gave me such confidence in his faithfulness a few months before engagement. A little late to the game, but I still made it. 🙂
Things won’t get easier in engagement, they’ll most likely get harder, but a faithful friend taught me that this is the training for marriage that is getting us in shape to tackle the adventures to come!

Myth #4

Engagement is the most magical season ever

I laugh a lot at this one. I’m sorry, I’m not trying to put a damper on your expectations here. The night that Kevin and I got engaged and being able to tell him exactly how I feel and having more freedom to be even more of myself has been the best of the best. In fact, everything with Kevin is the best of the best. I just absolutely adore this future husband of mine.
But I honestly want to sit and have coffee with whoever started the hot rumor that engagement is pure bliss and magic and ask what their experience was or why the heck they lied.
To be honest, this season has been a little disappointing. I built up what the movies say and from what my imagination told me this season would be like.
Engagement is rough.

You have to prepare yourself to be spiritually attacked. Guys, satan HATES marriage. He hates anything and everything that the Lord has intended for good. He longs to hurt you, to cause division between you and your future spouse and your families. He longs to distract you and to make you question God’s ways. Biblical marriage is the most tangible example we have of God’s love coming for us in our sin filled world. We are his bride and He longs to show His love to us in mighty ways. Marriage is such a beautiful example of that.
With that being said, you have to constantly be conscious of everyone involved’s feelings. You have to compromise with your family for budgets sake and pray that your future spouse is on board with it. You have to put up with family disagreements and opinions on what you choose to do. You have to answer the same questions over and over again. You have to sacrifice some things for the sake of loving others.
At the root of every problem you’ll run into in engagement and wedding planning, try and see things for what they really are. The enemy will use ANYTHING to cause division. Even napkin rings, guest lists and seating charts.

Myth #5

Once I get married, everything will fall into place.

I have to constantly try and not live in the future. I think futuristically almost all of the time. I’m not a planner to the t’s, but I do like knowing what’s around the corner. I like feeling settled and feeling like I have control over everything that is to come.
I can’t help but think the Lord laughs at me when I do this. I used to tell myself this myth all the time. I have learned not just in engagement, but over the two years I’ve been with Kevin that you truly do just have to take it one day at a time. If you’re a follower of Jesus and spend time with Him often, He won’t let you miss what He has for you.
In fact, I feel like the Lord always has answers for us, He just wants us to draw near to Him and trust Him. He’s a good father who loves us too much to let us miss out on something incredible He has for us. These things aren’t to make us happy, but to make us holy. I honestly have no idea what the future holds for Kevin and I, but I know that the Lord holds us and that’s the best adventure we could ask for.

3 thoughts on “5 Myths of Engagement

  1. I love you! Beautifully written. I’m proud of how faithfully you’ve walked through this season. It’s going to be so fun seeing what God does with you guys from here! ❤️

  2. Tyler, your story about your engagement to Kevin is beautiful and blessed by God. May you and Kevin have many more years of happiness and love. It’s been great seeing how happy you are at COF.

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